final exam?
If that was my final exam I took on Friday, I think I might have to retake the class.
So here I am. It's been a year since the vertigo started, 6 months since I've been on the medications that have wreaked all sorts of havoc on my emotions and physical body. As of Friday, it was 3 months since my last vertigo spell. And in my mind and heart, I was doing so well with trusting the Lord. He healed me! He used the medication to make me well. The Lord was my rock, my strong shelter. I have a doctor's appointment at 1:30 today (Monday), and I was so confident that because of my 3 months of no vertigo on the meds that I was going to hear the glorious news that the meds are over.
At 8am on Friday morning, though, my world started spinning. Literally. I tipped my head back to kiss my sweet-n-handsome hubs goodbye as he left for work and my world came crashing down as I hit the bed in a wave of spinning nausea. I had a vertigo spell. It was short, probably no more than 30 seconds of spinning, but this hurled me into a 20 minute fit that could top even some of the most practiced 2 year olds. I screamed. I cried. I wailed into my pillow. I turned my teary, snotty-nosed face toward my hubs and whimpered pitifully, "Why now?" And I moped and pouted until I finally went back to sleep and slept off the spinny's before heading into work for a half-day.
Suddenly I realize how little I've learned. It's easy to jump up and down on the mountain top and praise the Lord when you feel like He's done for you exactly what you wanted Him to do. But when suddenly I realized that maybe what He's doing doesn't fit into the neat little category that I wanted it to then it dawned on me that I really didn't have it all straight, after all.
I remember when I was learning to drive, my Dad used to talk to me when I was going around curves. He would always say not to just hold the wheel in one direction, because that would often cause the car to go around the curve slightly off and you might wind up in the ditch. Nor should you make big movements on a curve, because that could cause you to lose control all together. Instead, as you go around the curve it's necessary to make little corrections all along the way.
Well, I just had to make a little correction, but that one little correction could have possibly determined the outcome of the curve for me. Lord, it's in your hands. Again. Even if you choose to not heal me, or to leave me on this horrid medicine for 6 more months, or whatever you decide, I'm once again reminded that this isn't about me. And I couldn't control it... even if I tried.
So here I am. It's been a year since the vertigo started, 6 months since I've been on the medications that have wreaked all sorts of havoc on my emotions and physical body. As of Friday, it was 3 months since my last vertigo spell. And in my mind and heart, I was doing so well with trusting the Lord. He healed me! He used the medication to make me well. The Lord was my rock, my strong shelter. I have a doctor's appointment at 1:30 today (Monday), and I was so confident that because of my 3 months of no vertigo on the meds that I was going to hear the glorious news that the meds are over.
At 8am on Friday morning, though, my world started spinning. Literally. I tipped my head back to kiss my sweet-n-handsome hubs goodbye as he left for work and my world came crashing down as I hit the bed in a wave of spinning nausea. I had a vertigo spell. It was short, probably no more than 30 seconds of spinning, but this hurled me into a 20 minute fit that could top even some of the most practiced 2 year olds. I screamed. I cried. I wailed into my pillow. I turned my teary, snotty-nosed face toward my hubs and whimpered pitifully, "Why now?" And I moped and pouted until I finally went back to sleep and slept off the spinny's before heading into work for a half-day.
Suddenly I realize how little I've learned. It's easy to jump up and down on the mountain top and praise the Lord when you feel like He's done for you exactly what you wanted Him to do. But when suddenly I realized that maybe what He's doing doesn't fit into the neat little category that I wanted it to then it dawned on me that I really didn't have it all straight, after all.
I remember when I was learning to drive, my Dad used to talk to me when I was going around curves. He would always say not to just hold the wheel in one direction, because that would often cause the car to go around the curve slightly off and you might wind up in the ditch. Nor should you make big movements on a curve, because that could cause you to lose control all together. Instead, as you go around the curve it's necessary to make little corrections all along the way.
Well, I just had to make a little correction, but that one little correction could have possibly determined the outcome of the curve for me. Lord, it's in your hands. Again. Even if you choose to not heal me, or to leave me on this horrid medicine for 6 more months, or whatever you decide, I'm once again reminded that this isn't about me. And I couldn't control it... even if I tried.
posted by Bonnie @ 12:45 PM
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