trying to catch up

Life moves so fast, sometimes. It's almost the mid point of November already this year. Suddenly I look back and feel like I've missed most of it. From flying through the spring (although a lot of that was really fun) to just not feeling well from July until the present, it feels like I've been watching someone else's life happen around me. But yet, here I am, and in some ways it feels like I don't know how I got here. Does that make sense?

I woke up exhausted this morning. That's a pretty common occurance. About once a week I wake with the feeling that I can't get my body out of bed, that I'm just not going to make it through my day without a total physical or emotional break down. Yet I do. The Lord has been faithful to sustain me... if I could just remember His faithfulness on the difficult mornings I would feel much better. The mornings I wake with that swimmy headed feeling, the aching in my body, and the feeling that there are pounds of heaviness weighing down on me... I know it's going to be a difficult day.

So I search for the meaning, for I know and hold fast to my conviction that the Lord did not give me this for no reason at all. I struggle, but I try desperately to struggle well. As difficult as it may be, I am determined to struggle so that the Lord is glorified. What that looks like... well, I'm still figuring that one out. But at the end of this I want to be able to look behind me and say that I struggled and saw the Lord heap His love and mercy upon me. Because I know He is being merciful to me in this, however that may manifest itself.