happy sadness
How can so many emotions co-exist? My primary emotion is elation. Excitement that we are moving, excitement seeing our hopes and dreams come to fruition. Excitement at what the Lord is doing in our lives. Excitement at leaving my job and being able to devote that time to our home, packing, moving, and supporting my handsome hubs as he prepares for ministry and ordination.
But there's a side to all of this that I wasn't really expecting. I'm sad. Deeply sad, feeling a little grieved and a sense of loss as I face leaving this place. Granted, my work has had its ups and downs this year - a lot more downs at times than ups - but it's been four years of my life, four years of sweat, tears, and joy. Four years of ups and downs. Anyone knows that after four years of trial and error, a bond forms. Relationships have been forged in these trenches, relationships that will be with me always. I love my brothers and sisters in the faith that I've worked with here. I love this church, even with its flaws that I've had a front row seat for at times. But something about giving years of your life to a place, especially a place of ministry, does that. I've grown attached to the lives around me, the precious people and even the not-so-precious ones. It's hard to leave, much harder than I expected. My boss is one of my heroes. I've seen him and his family grow through times this year that have been so much harder than anything I've experienced or ever want to experience. And I love that family for it. There will always be a fondness in my heart for this family that I've been able to share in, just a teeny bit, while working with my boss. His adorable kids and wife that I've called for advice on more than one occasion. So many great relationships, that while our friendship will continue, I will miss that daily interaction.
However, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, it's not just all sadness, there is a lot of happy going on right now, too. I spent most of the weekend at home cleaning out closets and going through 6 months worth of mail that needed to be filed. (YES, we paid our bills. Marz asked me that yesterday at lunch when I was telling her about it. We've been keeping up, just not filing...). Last night I attacked the pile of boxes under our guest bed that we never unpacked in the first place when we moved in. These things are giving me glimpses of what I will be able to do when I no longer have to be gone 8-10 hours out of every day, and I like what I'm seeing.
So many emotions going on... but most of all, I feel at peace. The Lord has led us, very clearly, where He wants us to go. All we have to do is trust Him.
But there's a side to all of this that I wasn't really expecting. I'm sad. Deeply sad, feeling a little grieved and a sense of loss as I face leaving this place. Granted, my work has had its ups and downs this year - a lot more downs at times than ups - but it's been four years of my life, four years of sweat, tears, and joy. Four years of ups and downs. Anyone knows that after four years of trial and error, a bond forms. Relationships have been forged in these trenches, relationships that will be with me always. I love my brothers and sisters in the faith that I've worked with here. I love this church, even with its flaws that I've had a front row seat for at times. But something about giving years of your life to a place, especially a place of ministry, does that. I've grown attached to the lives around me, the precious people and even the not-so-precious ones. It's hard to leave, much harder than I expected. My boss is one of my heroes. I've seen him and his family grow through times this year that have been so much harder than anything I've experienced or ever want to experience. And I love that family for it. There will always be a fondness in my heart for this family that I've been able to share in, just a teeny bit, while working with my boss. His adorable kids and wife that I've called for advice on more than one occasion. So many great relationships, that while our friendship will continue, I will miss that daily interaction.
However, as I mentioned at the beginning of this post, it's not just all sadness, there is a lot of happy going on right now, too. I spent most of the weekend at home cleaning out closets and going through 6 months worth of mail that needed to be filed. (YES, we paid our bills. Marz asked me that yesterday at lunch when I was telling her about it. We've been keeping up, just not filing...). Last night I attacked the pile of boxes under our guest bed that we never unpacked in the first place when we moved in. These things are giving me glimpses of what I will be able to do when I no longer have to be gone 8-10 hours out of every day, and I like what I'm seeing.
So many emotions going on... but most of all, I feel at peace. The Lord has led us, very clearly, where He wants us to go. All we have to do is trust Him.
posted by Bonnie @ 2:41 PM
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